"Now all restaurants are Taco Bell"

Imagine those famous words that Lt. Lenina Huxley told John Spartan in Demolition Man were true. Imagine that all restaurants were now Taco Bell. What do you think would happen?

• Perhaps global warming would be accelerated due to massive global farting.

• Perhaps there wouldn't be any threat of bird flu in the world, since everyone would be eating tacos, burritos, quasedillas and supreme fries; instead of eating bird flu inducing animals.

• Perhaps my Mexican food cravings would go away. *

Imagine that.

*Note: I did in fact go to Taco Bell for dinner today after several years of avoidance, and I must admit, it was quite delicious.

It's a bird, It's a plane...

WRONG! It's a speeding minivan trying to overtake you in the fast lane.

I don't know what it is. Perhaps it's the frustration of having so many kids; the frustration of having to settle for a minivan instead of a sports car; the frustration of having to drive the kids to school or soccer practice.

People who drive minivans seem to be the most consistently aggressive drivers on the road. There may be people in other vehicles that like to swerve in and out of traffic, change lanes without signalling, cut you off, or even tailgate you to the point they're literally bumper to bumper; but the next time this happens, take a closer look and you'll notice it's probably a minivan.

Minivans = Instant road rage

Raja Bell is my hero

I should be sleeping right now but I need to write about this. I've just witnessed what might possibly be one of the greatest basketball games I've ever seen. A double overtime - 2OT! - thriller between the Phoenix Suns and Los Angeles Clippers, with Phoenix coming out on top 125-118. There were big leads, there were ties. There were stupid plays, there were amazing plays. There were laughs, there were scares. It had everything you could ever ask for and it was great basketball. Thanks to my hero - saviour! - Raja Bell, the Western Conference Finals will now be Dallas vs. Phoenix. ;) Awesome!

NO! The customer isn't always right.

For most of my working life, I've been involved with some aspect of customer service. Whether it's been selling electronics, providing answers to general inquiries, whatever. I've been there and done that.

One thing that most people (and by people, I mean customers) do not understand is that it's not necessary to raise your voice and whine like a little bitch to get a problem resolved or express your displeasure. There are other ways to get your point across without creating a scene in front of a restaurant full of young professionals. It's embarassing when someone from your party wanders off to different stores in the mall, out of range of the electronic pager and out of range from the hostess, and starts cussing out the hostess for failing to do everything in their power to notify them a table is available when they realize their spot on the waiting list is gone. Chill. Explain your situation calmly. Make a compromise. When you scream and shout like a maniac, people don't understand what on earth you're saying and it makes you look like a fool.

Take a chill pill. Whatever. It's okay to complain, but it's better to look classy than to look like a fool over something so petty. Always take the high road. Do you really want saliva in your food?

/end rant

Move b*tch, get out the way!

One of the first rules when learning how to drive is always yield to pedestrians. That's a fair rule to follow when you're at a stop sign or at a traffic light. I've got no complaints.

But when you're driving around in a parking lot looking for a place to park and people are walking in the center of the lane taking their motherF-ing time, this rule is a major irritant. People don't have any courtesy these days when it comes to getting out of the way, or even walking along the side of the lane in the parking lot. Sometimes I feel like driving right through. If people need to learn how to drive, people should also learn how to walk becuase people definitely do not know how to do that properly these days.